http://www.sickipedia.org/get.php?category=Racism&subcategory=German
I had a German plumber round the other day to fix my shower.He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply.I guess old habits die hard.
In response to ze jibes that ve Germans haf no humour.Ze fuhrer vas in a restaurant, ze waiter asks do you want wein or juice? Ze fuhrer answers; "Wein. Ze juice have been exterminated!"
It's amazing just how paranoid Hitler was. In Nazi Germany it was illegal to make jokes about Hitler or the Nazi regime.Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn't that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
My mates were taking the piss out of a German guy on the train, making jokes about the War and stuff.He looked at us and said, "You know, there really is no pleasure to be gained in boasting about winning two World Wars."How the fuck would he know?
Some kid was playing up and being a right twat in Tesco, so his dad gave him a smack. This German woman comes over and tapped the dad on the shoulder and said, "In my country we don't smack our children." He replied, "Well, in our country we don't gas our Jews."
The 2012 London Olympics were supposed to restore British National pride.£20 billion to restore British National pride?For £20 billion, we could have written 'FUCK OFF GERMANY' on the moon.
I came home from work last night, saw my girlfriend and said, "Hello Hun."We don't have pet names, she's German.
The average German wakes up at 6:23 am. Well it's difficult to sleep with all that on your conscience.
What did the German kid say when he pushed his brother off a cliff?"Look, mother, no Hans!"
Opened my curtains this morning to see a German Shepherd having a shit in my back garden.When I looked again, I noticed he'd brought his fucking dog with him too!
Statistically, 39/45 Germans won't get this joke.
Germany is world famous for its cleaning products:
Mister Muscle - household cleaner
Cillit Bang - bathroom cleaner
Zyklon B - ethnic cleaner
What game is banned in Germany?....Follow the leader
I went into the new German-Chinese restaurant that opened last week.The food wasn't too bad but two hours later you were hungry for power.
I made my first mistake as an Au Pair in Germany the other day...Apparently "Jews and Nazis" is not an acceptable variation of "Cops and Robbers"...
I'm dating a German girl now. She's really into roleplaying. Which is a problem... because I'm Polish. Every time we have sex I always get my ass kicked.Then one night she came to me and asked to take it into the shower. That's when I knew I had to get the hell out of there.
I have nothing against the Germans,I just miss my grandparents.
I was sitting beside some German guy on the bus today when I let out a big fart.He said: "That's disgusting, I don't want to share your horrible gas!"I calmly replied: "Neither did the Jews, you fucking hypocrite."
Bloody Hell, why all this fuss about that German schoolboy? My Grandad shot loads of Germans, and that never even made the news.Actually, I'm lying, it did.I remember the headline on BBC.com :"Senile old man guns down bus load of German tourists"
The German Government has just issued an apology with regard to the extermination of Roma Gypsies in WWII.They missed a few.
I just discovered today that the famous 'why did the chicken cross the road' joke originated from Germany.I should have guessed, considering the German's are usually about as humorous as a lampshade.
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place....
Saw the headline on BBC "Suspected Nazi".I thought, suspected? Come on mate you're either German or you're not.
They find it very hard to talk about the holocaust in Germany.That's because in German its DeutschejudenausrottunggaskammerabschließendeLösung
A German goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.The librarian says; "Enjoy."
